Letting Go

I can't say that we weren't warned.  Zerihun told Judy and me that there would be as many as 8 new faces in this training, which meant that several friends who have been with us for the past couple of years would not be attending.  I thought I'd braced myself for the "worst", but when I saw the final list the evening before the training started, I felt like I'd been hit with a sledgehammer.  Zeleke would no longer be part of the project.

From the start of the first training in February 2010, Zeleke's infectious enthusiasm, booming voice, and huge heart had contributed greatly to the spirit of community that we all shared.  He was very open about his love for Jesus, but was greatly respected by the Muslims in the group.  He laughed and cried easily, and often caused me to do the same.  He implemented the training in his community work with tireless energy and love, as I got to see in person earlier this year.  He gave me my new name, Tesfalem.  And he became a very dear friend.  We wept each time we parted after a training.

I learned that he had been saving his money for a long time until he was able to purchase a mini-bus, and was now a self-employed driver.  His friends told me that this was a wonderful career opportunity, because such drivers earn a lot of money.  It also meant that he could provide more for his family, and would actually allow him to spend more time with them.  They all rejoiced for him.

But me?  After my initial shock, my first reaction was that it seemed like such a waste.  All of his work experience, all of his community contacts, all of the training he had received from us... for what?  So he could drive a bus?  Fortunately, God quickly pointed out to me what a selfish fool I was.  Selfish, because I could only see things from my own perspective, and though I didn't want to admit it, felt sorry for myself for no longer being able to work with him.  A fool, because I was relying on my own "wisdom", and not trusting God's.  I began to see how God would use him in this new role - how many lives he could touch with Jesus' love, how easily he would share his experience with everyone he met in communities throughout Ethiopia, not just in his prior project area.

And so I've released Zeleke into God's hands, to use this finely-crafted instrument in the way that only the Master can.  And I release all of our current and past participants as well.  In a way, this seems silly, because I never really "held" them in the first place.  But I know that, deep in my heart, I've tried to.  The time will come, or has already come, to say goodbye to each one of these people who have touched my life so profoundly in the past two years.  And I won't even know when that final goodbye occurs - or whether, in fact, it already has.  But as hard as it is to face that fact, I remind myself that this is not, and has never been, about me.  The very nature of our work is to train local workers and to release them to serve in communities.  And if I've done my job well, the name that the local people will hear about and want to learn more about is Jesus, not Tesfalem.  Because he is the true facilitator, the true change maker.  God bless you, Zeleke, and all of your brothers and sisters.